haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
