omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
