Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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