My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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