i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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