glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
