yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
