my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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