Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
