the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize