I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
