Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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