Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
