either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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