i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
