i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
