I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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