so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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