Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
