dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
