im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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