I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
