We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize