come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
