Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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