so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
