my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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