I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
