Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
