hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
