Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
This house was built for laser tag.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
