Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
