It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
