We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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