let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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