i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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