last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
