I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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