dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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