it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
