I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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