So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
