My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
