just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
