well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
