He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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