My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
