What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I need to stop coming to work sober
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
