I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
