Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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