how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
