After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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