Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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