I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
