I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize