That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
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This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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