No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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