I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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