My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
