I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
