3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
