You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
