so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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