Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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