hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
