The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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