My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
