Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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