this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
