i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
