so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
