youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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